Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Randomize
