Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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