I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
Randomize
