Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
