the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
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