When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Randomize
