Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Randomize