Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
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