Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
She's just so happy...and so naked.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Randomize
