Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Randomize
