you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
The air was thick with penises
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
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