he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
You had me at "let me see your balls"
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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