i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
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