So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Randomize
