I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
Randomize
