Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
