the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
Randomize
