So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Randomize
