Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
i used baking grease as lip gloss
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
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