Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
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