dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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