Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
