NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
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I used to practice getting hit by cars.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
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After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
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