dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
