I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
Randomize
