Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
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I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
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with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
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