I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
