great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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