I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
Randomize