Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Randomize
