you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
