He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
