Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
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