I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
