i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Randomize
