Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
is that a dick in a sweater?
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
