Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
