I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Randomize
