so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
Randomize
