Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
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