this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
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