Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Randomize
