I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
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