Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Randomize
