He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.