Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
