just come out here and I will go home with you...
this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
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