I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
