ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
