Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
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