We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
Randomize
