Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
You should frame my arrest warrant.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
Randomize
