ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
Randomize
