You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Randomize
