Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
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Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
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