there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
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