I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
Randomize
