Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
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