new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
how do you play pong handcuffed?
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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