don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
what is it with giant penises always finding me
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
