this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
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