in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
Randomize
