She said her name was "party"
i think i have herpe
just one?
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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