I can tuck mytits in my pants
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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