Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
Randomize
