I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
