I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Randomize
