I accidentally had phone sex last night
I'm sorry my penis didn't work
guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
Randomize
