The Redheads category on Pornhub is my number 2 site behind facebook on google chrome. I think I have a problem
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
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