my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
I want her autograph on my taint
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
