Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Randomize
