I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Randomize
