i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
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