We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
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who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
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Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
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