I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
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