her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
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