so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
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