Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
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