I faked an abortion last night.
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
Randomize
