We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Randomize
