Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
