Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
