Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
