he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Randomize
